Friday, June 10, 2005

Coming soon to a retard near you!

As if I really needed any reinforcement for my feelings that MMOs are just about the dumbest thing to happen to video games since the Virtual Boy, along comes some jackass and does the legwork for me. For those of you that don't know what an MMO is, it's a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (for those of you that don't care, come back later when I'm done being a geek...I'm sure I'll be talking about drugs or tits or rock and roll or some such hot shit in no time.) An MMO means that you create a character that inhabits a virtual world populated with other online players from all over the world. These games come in lots of different forms. There's one based on Star Wars, one taking place within The Matrix, one in the Final Fantasy world and dozens of others. As a (primarily offline) console-based gamer, I first became aware of these games when I dated a girl was was addicted to this game called Everquest. 


Now apparently this game was so highly addictive and integral to some peoples' lives that they would start to replace their reality with this false fantasy world. You'd hear about people losing their jobs, marriages failing, or becoming addidcted to amphetamines all in the name of being able to play for "just one more quest." I personally never got into this whole thing because I've got a short attention span and can't really get into any game that I can't pause or turn off at any time. I'm even reticent to play shit like Halo online, just in case the phone rang or I wanted to smoke a cigarette or something.


Anyway, like I said, evidence of the hold these games have on certain can be seen in their real world reflections. People will dress up as the characters and spend RIDICULOUS amounts of real world money on eBay for leveled up characters and items and shit. This concept just seems unbelievably fucking dumb to me, but I spend money on some stupid shit too...so who am I to judge? The thing that really gets me is just how serious some people take this. According to my friend Jon, there are entire sweatshops in China and other places where there are just rooms of dudes chained to computers spending all day on these games gathering experience and items to be sold over the internet. Now apparently, over there they do things a little differently when it comes to the concept of "virtual property," something I'm not incredibly clear on in the first place. This sometimes leads people to take the law into their own incredibly inept hands...which is what spawned this rant in the first place. This is an article from the gaming site ign.com that basically sums up just how fucking insane people are over these games:



Gamer Murdered Over Virtual Property




In Shanghai, one MMORPG player crosses every line.



June 8, 2005 - In an extreme example of gamers taking a hobby (obsession?) too far, Shanghai gamer Qui Chengwei stabbed Zhu Caoyuan in the chest, killing the fellow gamer, according to the BBC News.


The motive for the murder? Zhu sold a virtual sword in the online game Legend of Mir 3 -- a sword Qui Chengwei had loaned him.

Qui had apparently tried to take the virtual property dispute to the police, but China lacks laws covering virtual property like an online sword. Zhu had offered to pay Qui the money he'd earned from the sword, but Qui refused.

Qui Chengwei now faces a suspended death sentence, meaning he could spend his life in jail, but that he may also be released on "good behavior" in 15 years.

Victim Zhu Caoyuan was 26 years old. His parents are currently seeking appeal for an immediate death sentence.

 

Need I say more? Between shit like this and that retard who ran over those two cops a while back while he was trying to reenact his little Grand Theft Auto-erotic fantasies, it's no wonder video games are getting such a bad rap these days. I understand that when you're in a business that takes in more money than the porno industry (in the same, highly coveted, demographic) you're going to eventually come under fire for something, but c'mon guys, let's not go fanning the flames...

Hell of a town...(Part 1)

I really wanted to write this yesterday while everything was still really fresh in my head but hopefully I'll still be able to do it justice.

Ingredients for a successful Chicago trip:

Step 1: Fly into Midway Airport. Fuck a whole bunch of O'Hare. You will end up sitting on the runway, bored out of your skull.


Bored now...


Step 2: Find a free place to stay, preferably with someone who has a nice place. That way you'll be able to save enough money for Step 3...


The view from Andy's back porch.


Step 3: Drink. A lot. Yeah, drinks there ain't cheap...but they're not any worse than in DC.

Step 4: If you end up in a ultra-trendy bar or club by mistake, find the most down-to-earth people in there and chat them up. Chances are, you won't want to stab them nearly as much as the nouveau glitterati.

Step 5: If any of those people give you their phone number before leaving, put in the correct name. This will eliminate any awkwardness when you go through your phonebook the next day and can't figure out who the fuck "Spanky" is.

Step 6: If, for any reason, you are invited back to some girls' apartment to hang out after closing time, make sure that her stupid drunken boyfriend isn't wandering around there shirtless and talking shit about you like you're not in the room. If you do find yourself in this situation, bail before you have to fight him. It'll save everyone a lot of trouble the next morning.

Step 7: Don't forget to eat! Also, make sure you don't go anywhere that serves white-people food. That shit fuckin' sucks!

Step 8: Find out from a cool local what will be going on while you're in town. It'll save you a lot of trouble down the line. (Mad props to Bree, for telling us about the Q101 Block Party)

Step 9: Drink. A lot. It will make you like Interpol far more than you did before. Queens of The Stone Age, however, need no assistance in kicking ass.


Queens of the Stone Age


Step 10: If you're at a show, wearing a t-shirt with a joke about strippers on it, and the girls standing in front of you keep stealing glances at your shirt and giggling, find out if they are A) On mushrooms or B) are, themselves, strippers. If it's both, make sure and get at least one of their phone numbers.


Block party!


*So apparently this is running a little longer than I thought it would. I think I'm going to break it here and continue with Part 2 a little later. Your crappy little attention span will thank me for it...*