Magicka, Vietnam

Hipster Harriet Tubman

There's bored, and then there's Friday-before-a-holiday-weekend bored.

Gorillamon

Context

A sobering thought

Context

Goatsink

Too soon? Or am I already too late?

In case you stumbled on this...

You're in the wrong place. Dead Venues is where you should be headed.

No resolutions, just a warm up

So I finally figured out why people like Twitter. It's because, like me, they're too lazy to keep up with writing these stupid blogs but they can still blast cleverness (or mindless self indulgence) in short form. I mean, I've probably already gone over the twitter character limit, and I haven't even said anything. Not that I ever really say anything anymore. Anyway, this is just because I haven't put anything on here in over a year and I need the practice. So, here's a picture of Mike Tyson in a chicken hat.

Summer's Last Gasps

As I've been busy trying to wring every last drop of fun out of this woefully disappointing summer (read: wrapping up the 5th season of "The Wire," nursing a sore back, and overdosing on Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise,) I've been neglecting the Zero people on the Internet that read this. So, here's a bunch of things that other people have found interesting and actually did the legwork for, and my links to those things:

• Design your own costume for Little Big Planet's mascot "Sackboy," win something in the process.



• While I'm not the world's biggest Mountain Goats fan, I've got to say that this SMB inspired EP definitely piqued my curiosity.



• Because I'm feelin a little bit country today...



• ...and a little bit (not so) Rock and/or Roll.



• Update to last year's "Drugs on a Plane" story



• Finally, how about sending off the summer in style, with this sweet-ass portable grill?

You want a toe? I can get you a toe!

In honor of the 10th anniversary of the best movie ever made (A.K.A. The Big Lebowski), I've included some links to things that might interest an Achiever, such as yourself. I'm sure you've got nothing better to do anyway, right?

I mean, you don't go out looking for a job dressed like that do you? On a weekday?

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/22694342/the_decade_of_the_dude

(article links to several interviews and what have you)

And who could forget the new 10th Anniversary Collectors DVD. It's not in HD, unfortunately, but you'll be throwin rocks if you pick this sucker up when it comes out next week.

iCheck

I got an iPhone, this is being posted from it. That's why the first world is the best world.

Two tickets to Awesome, TX plz!

My mind has been blown this morning. Apparently they're having some festival in November in Austin with a lineup that puts everything since SXSW (Lollapalooza, Bonnaroo, Burning Man, et al) to shame. It's a perfect mixture of new bands and defunct outfits that were just too damn good to be forgotten, including a...wait for it...Dead Milkmen reunion show! OMFG, ME WANTEE!

The full lineup can be found here.

So, in summary:


Click to engorge

The shirts off our backs

While most people the world over have been more than happy spending the last week succumbing to the virulent, quad-annual pandemic known as "Olympic Fever," we at Magic Wondershow Entertainment have been sequestered in our secret underground lair, feverishly working on a cure! The result? The MWS "Beijing 2008" Tee-shirt.

Click to buy me!

Over the past two weeks, we've filled numerous orders for like minded individuals who want to let China know just where they can stick that Olympic torch!

Due to their notorious information-filtering techniques, there is now an entire generation of Chinese who lack access to the details of one of the most important events in their country's recent history, with this limited edition shirt (seriously, we've only got like 10 of them left!) you can let them know that not everyone has forgotten it. If you haven't already, show your support by ordering one of these confrontationally awesome shirts here!

A repost from El Presidente's Blog

Episode 1 of El Presidente is now entering its final phase, and we here on the crew couldn’t be happier. Yeah, we know that it’s been a long time since we started this project and owe it to everyone who has been involved in it over the past 2+ years to make the show (and site, merch, etc.) as excellent as humanly possible. The new official website should be up soon and we’ll be contacting our buddies in other states to send out street-team kits. There’ll be another update soon, when this happens. This will be a regular-timed update, not a Puta-Negran-timed one, I swear.

In the meantime, keep yourselves busy by checking out some of these awesome movies:


Wordplay



Fearless



The Monster Squad



WALL-E

WWJWD? Even he's not 100% sure.

Oh, Joss Whedon...how is it that you can manage to lift my spirits and break my heart all at the same time, and you don't even need to write anything? All you have to do is talk



...though seeing eighth-season-of-Buffy-in-comic-form in March is just about the best birthday present I could ask for. Unless everyone manages to scrape together enough money to get me a new tattoo (hint, hint.)

Mooninite Madness: Update 2

So here's the Myspace page of one of the guys that got nailed in the Boston ATHF marketing scare. If you've got the time, send him an email showing your support.

As for me, I'm still split on this whole thing. Mainly due to the fact that, even though the campaign was an awesome idea for an awesome product by some pretty awesome people...in the end viral marketing is still marketing. When pseudo-hip all-too-self-aware advertising starts popping up, it's usually the more clever element that calls it out for what it is (best example I can think of is Sony's PSP graffitti ads that started popping up on walls in cities and were immediately sniffed out, and subsequently pwned, by real graffitti artists.)

In Boston, however, clever does not seem to be the watchword, as I got to see on CNN yesterday during some of the interviews with several Bostonians, who will hereby simply be referred to as "chowdah-heads." Seriously, how is it that this same campaign has popped up in several other cities and none of their citizens managed to shit their pants and call Homeland Security. Now why is that? Hmmmm...

Thing is, it seems like this project was something that somebody would have done anyway, at least this way they've got the weight of Turner Broadcasting to help haul their asses out of the fire...unlike those Super Mario girls last year (interestingly, if you scroll down on that site, you'll see some Super Mario Blocks hanging from a tree in Cambridge. I wonder if those girls got nailed too, or if folks tend to run a little more reasonable on the other side of the haahbah.)

Finally, once again, anyone that ever uses the term "Post September 11th world" really deserves to be punched in the nuts. Bottom line.

Drop those sweatpants and prepare your ignorant ass for a Moon spanking!

I forgot to include this with my last blog, but it's definitely worth wasting 3 minutes of your oh so valuable time.

May I present...The Mooninite Random Quote Generator!

Warning Boston, the Terror Threat-Level has been raised from

Attempt #4

Rrrrg! I don't know how to start this entry because every time I about the article in question, I just seem get so angry that I have to stop thinking about it and close this window (of course, it doesn't help that every time I start to re-write, someone comes into my cubicle with another problem.) I'm not gonna go into the specifics, suffice it to say that "Post 9/11 blah blah" means "Such things as 'creativity' and 'common sense' have been put on indefinite hiatus"


So, here's the link http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/31/boston.bombscare/index.html


Resist the urge to vomit and/or kill yourself when you get to the part where these guys are getting brought up on felony charges for this. Like I needed another reason to hate fucking Boston...

...and the rest (AKA: fuggit!)

So, I had all these lofty ambitions of how I'd do an individual post for each of the top 10 games of '06 and each one was going to have a homemade picture and blah blah but fact remains, I have a life and if I've got an option of writing about video game or actually playing said games, well...guess which one I'm gonna chose. So yeah, here ya go...don't spend it all in one place:

My top 10 video games for the year 2006:

10. Dead Rising

9. Lego Star Wars II

8. Guitar Hero II (Red Octane for Playstation 2)
Better songs, better co-op, and Suicidal Tendencies! The only thing that sucks about this game is that it didn't make it to the 360 in time for '07. All the PS2 version's goods + hi-def, DLC, 5.1, and Achievements. It's gonna give a whole new meaning to March Madness...

7. Okami (Clover Studios for Playstation 2)
The only good thing that came out of my originial 360 breaking down, is that I got a chance to play this game. Easily the most original Zelda clone ever and a last breath in a dying generation. It hurts me to think that the company that made this is now defunct. Let's hope those developers continue on to push the boundaries of what can be done in this industry, rather than just being willing to crank out clones of sequels of roster updates of shitty licensed games. *sigh...*

6. Rainbow Six: Vegas (Ubisoft Montreal for 360)
Gadgets, guns, and gambling! A match made in heaven. This game that finally made me appreciate the much-loved R6 franchise. Come for the cover system, stay for the 4 player co-op.

5. Marvel Ultimate Alliance (Activision for Multiple Platforms, played on the 360)
Sure it's buggy as hell, but drop-in/drop-out co-op and a huge 24 character roster makes it a Marvel geek's wet dream come true. It's clobberin' time!

4. The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess (Nintendo for Wii)
It made it to #4 based purely on potential, and the fact that I needed to justify spending $300 just to play it. Considering the rate I've been slogging through it, I'll probably end up beating it some time around June so, more about it then...

3. Wii Sports (Nintendo for Wii)
A shallow experience for hardcore gamers, but by far the most fun game out on the system. I think Nintendo really nailed the "casual gamer" demographic they were aiming for with this one. The proof is the fact that my mom will call me up and ask me when she'll be able to play Tennis again which, as far as I'm concerned, is a much more compelling reason to own the Wii than Zelda is. Plus, bowling with Big Lebowski Miis is an experience to behold...

2. Gears of War (Epic Games for 360)
A. The best looking game you've ever seen. No, really.
B. Co-op throughout the entire campaign.
C. Hella fun 4 on 4 team deathmatch.
D. Your main character is voiced by John "Bender" DiMaggio.
E. You'll never forget the first time you chainsaw a motherfucker in half. And yeah, it's still just as fun the 100th time you do it.
F. The only reason it's not number 1 on my list is that it's not...

1. Viva Pinata (Rare for 360)
Yeah, I said it. For fans of Sim City, RTSs, Pokemon, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...Rare presents an incredibly deep game with brilliant art direction, clever achievements, and mad legs. The reason this hits number 1 is due to the fact that I'll probably be playing this loooong after some of the others on this list are collecting dust on a Gamestop shelf. Check the sales and pick this one up when it hits $30, you'll be glad you did.

P.S. If your friends are laughing at you for playing this, then they're not really your friends, are they? Viva!

It was a very good year, for games to play on my TV...Part 2

Man, 2006 may have sucked for a lot of things, but gaming certainly was not one of them. Hell, I probably left more games off the main list than I even played last year…and 07 is only gonna be better. So, here you go, my top 10 games of 06. And then some.

9. LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (Traveller's Tales/LucasArts for Multiple Platforms)

"As far back as I can remember,
I always wanted to be a [Jedi]."

Seriously. The first movie my parents ever took me to see was Star Wars. Every year, for every birthday, I had a Star Wars party. For Halloween I dressed up as Chewbacca, a Stormtrooper, R2-D2, and Darth Vader. Every Xmas, I'd beg for big ticket toys like the Death Star, an AT-AT, or the Millenium Falcon. I never went anywhere without carrying around a little C-3P0 or Boba Fett. I had New Hope wallpaper, Empire sheets, and Jedi curtains in my room. Yes, for most of my childhood, I was a Star Wars junkie.

As I got older, interest began to wane. I flirted with other franchises. A Die Hard here, a Terminator there but in the end, it still always came back to the Holy Trilogy. If you'd asked me in 1997, after the severly compromised Special Editions had been released, I'd still have defended them to the death. Then, one day in 1999, the unspeakable happened. The horrific abortion of George Lucas's original vision of a Galaxy Far, Far Away was vomited forth on screens, store shelves, and novelty drinking glasses as far as the eye could see. I speak, of course, of Episode I. Almost overnight, my love affair with Star Wars vanished.

Clock wipe to 2006 and the release of LEGO Star Wars II...the magic is back! Every classic scene of the first three movies is here for you to play through again and again (with over 50 different characters.) Saving the Princess from the Death Star? Check. Riding your speeder bikes through the forests of Endor? Check! Luke's showdown with Darth Vader and the Emperor? Double check! Shit, even taking out AT-ATs with a snowspeeder's tow cables (a set-piece that has been in like EVERY SW game for the past 25 years) still seems fresh.

In fact, playing through this game is probably the closest I'll get to even being remotely interested in watching a Star Wars movie again for quite some time (which is probably for the best since it's going to be a while until they have a clean DVD/HD anamorphic print of the "Han shoots first" originals with a 5.1 soundtrack, fuck-you-very-much-o-flanneled-one.) Add in tons of hilarious cut scenes, bonus extras, and the ability for a second player to jump in and out at any time and you've got a game that'll warm even the most jaded former Star Wars fan's heart. Huzzah, Traveller's Tales...now bring on LEGO Batman!

It was a very good year, for games to play on my TV...Part 1

Man, 2006 may have sucked for a lot of things, but gaming certainly was not one of them. Hell, I probably left more games off the main list than I even played last year…and 07 is only gonna be better. So, here you go, my top 10 games of 06. And then some.


10. Dead Rising (Capcom for Xbox 360)

To paraphrase, "Dead Rising is one of the best broken games you'll ever play." That is to say, that this game has a lot of strikes against it (and let's not even count the bug that ended up killing a bunch of people's 360s, since that wasn't prevalent in every copy.) One save slot, unreadable tiny text on SD TVs, respawning enemies, mentally retarded AI, an aiming mechanic that is somehow worse than Metal Gear Solid's, and Otis…motherfucking Otis. Of course, you'll pretty much forget about all of this once you've started bashing zombies with electric guitars, knocking them over with bowling balls, mulching them with a lawnmower, or simply knocking them down and twisting their heads off like grapes.

And the achievements… There's definitely something to be said for a game that asks you to murder (or re-murder, I guess, since they're technically dead already) 54,000+ zombies for a lousy 20 Points. I mean, shit, I got more than that for clicking on a particular menu in Madden. Then again, I probably would have jumped at the chance to do the same thing in Madden (replacing "zombies" with "football fans") for no points at all. Plus, there's nothing like having the word "Genocider" on your gaming resume. As far as bragging rights go, it certainly beats the shit out of "Hatched an egg using Cluckles," don't it?